Criteria for evaluating extended definition essay:
“Of Ink and Needle”
“Bayanihan: The Immortal Filipino Hero”
Content:
Introduction
*Attention getter
*Presents thesis statement with only one idea
Body
*Definition of ideas
*Presentation of ideas
Conclusion
*Presents a good summary
*Presents and avoids opinions that may create negative
attitude
Organization
*Sentences flow logically
*Effective transition
Mechanics
*Grammar
*Correct Punctuation
Citation
*Specifying bibliography and footnotes
Evaluation of “Of ink and needle”
For the content:
The essay
starts with an attention getter quote: God created all men equal. And I think
that idea is good to make the readers interested. The thesis statement is
presented in the introduction that includes only one idea. And that idea is
about tattoos and piercings. No other topics are included in the essay. For the
body, the definitions of such ideas are explained well. The significance of the
ideas are presented well in a way that it includes the significance in terms of
traditional and modern days. For the conclusion, the summary of ideas and
insights of the author are presented. The author gives his opinions and avoids
insights that can create negative attitude.
For the organization:
The
organization of ideas in the essay flows logically. At first, the thesis
statement is presented and the next paragraph is about ideas presented in the
thesis statement. Each of the paragraphs has a topic sentence and has effective
transitions. I like how ideas flow in different paragraphs. There is a
paragraph for the definition of ideas presented and there are also paragraphs
that state the significance of the said idea.
For the mechanics:
Appropriate
tense of the verb is used in the essay. The essay is generally free from run on
sentences and misused punctuations. Sentences also contain clear subjects as
well as the predicates.
For citations:
Since the
author defines different terms in his essays, he uses a specified format for
all sources of information, which I think is really relevant when writing an
extended definition essay.
Evaluation of “Bayanihan: The Immortal Filipino Hero”
For the content:
The essay
involves definition as its attention getter. It starts with a question and it
has explained what bayanihan means for the Filipinos in our country, and
abroad. It has also included the most common example of bayanihan, which is
when a community works together to move a house. The writer was able to write a
good introduction. However, it has shown little informalities with the use of
words and with construction of sentences. The writer has not included words
that are not easy to be comprehend, but have used words several times which
could make an essay dull and boring. The essay ends up giving emphasis on the
effects of bayanihan, rather than showing how it has been present in sports.
The writer, in my perspective, does not give any comment that could give a
negative approach to readers.
For the organization:
The
sentences, from my observation, do not flow logically. It has jumped from one
topic to another, exceeding the limits of maintaining the article in line with
the thesis statement. At the middle of the essay, it has switched the topic
mainly to sports, and has given details about it, leaving the bayanihan topic
behind.
For the Mechanics:
The author
has shown good grammar all throughout the essay, except from a sentence that
does not give much thought to readers which could be found in the first
paragraph. I have never noticed the use of wrong punctuation in the selection.
For the citation:
There are
no footnotes included but the writer made sure that the sources he has used in
writing this was stated at the end of the essay
Comparison of the two extended definition essays
Of in and
needle is better than Bayanihan: The immortal of Filipino hero in terms of
content, organization of ideas, meachnics, and citation. From the introduction
itself, Of ink and needle has greater impact and would catch the attention of
the readers more than the latter could. OF ink and Needle presents a good flow
of ideas from thesis statement and succeeding paragraphs. The ideas present in
the thesis statement are elaborated more on the next paragraphs. It presents
effective transition in every idea that it shows. The Bayanihan: The immortal
Filipino hero has used few informal sentences when presenting ideas but it
could be observed that the writer has slowly moved from one idea to another
with proper transitions. However, these transitions lead him to focus on
certain topic, which eventually has left the bayanihan behind, making it irrelevant
to the title and to the thesis statement of the article. It was observable that
some words are used more than twice in the same paragraph. On the other hand,
Of ink and needle focused only on one idea. We suggest that the writer of the
second essay should give more examples, rather than focusing on single
ciatation. This has misled the writer and has made a separate collection of
ideas that are irrelevant to the main topic or thesis statement.
